35 things I learnt the year I turned 35

I turned 35 five months ago, so I don't really have to do this. But it's cringe and I love it. 

I don't know if 35 should be a milestone. What I know is 2023 was possibly the most tumultuous year of my life. Yet. And when I sit down to count how unlucky I've been I also realise I've learnt plenty from just being alive and surviving through shit that life threw my way. 

Here are 35 things I learnt this year that you absolutely don't have to follow. This is just me rambling. 

1. Mom's not always right. 

2. When you're uncomfortable being around someone, there's always a reason. Your body can sense vibes. 

3. Don't judge someone from what you hear about them. Cliché. But I've made a 180 degree on some people's character assessment for the better.

4. Your worst case scenarios will play out. And guess what, you'll still be alright.

5. Be kinder when someone's vulnerable. (It's a work in progress.)

6. Be more accommodating of other people's needs. Also a work in progress with being less self-centered.

7. Your life will find purpose. Somewhere. For me it was Bookstagram until I was kindly offered a job. 

8. There are people who don't deserve your time, attention, or space in your head and your lives. It's OK to cut them off.

9. If you put your mind to a good habit and begin seeing results, keep following it. 

10. Let people be. Let them enjoy what they want. Let them be cringe. If they're happy, why on earth are you so hot and bothered?

11. Maturity does not come with age. 

12. Avoid speaking to people who can't keep a conversation private. 

13. Being a mother is the most selfless feeling ever. 

14. It's magical to create a new human. 10 little toes, 10 little fingers waving at you through a screen. Sigh. A little private magic realism of my own. 

15. You'll find a community in the unlikeliest places. A solid support group of moms from across the world who lost their children, for instance. Some were fortunate to hold them, some just experienced that fleeting joy until the light went out from their lives.

16. You'll find a community who'll push you to find joy. Enthusiastic Bookstagrammers who don't know you, but want you to read their favourite books just so you can find the happiness that they did. 

17. Your heart will break in the worst possible way, you'll have no hope, and life will go on. Nobody's going to stop for you. You'll deal with it yourself, you'll stumble and you'll be back on your own feet.

18. The hollowest place in your heart can be filled with new obsessions. And you'll never know who you used to be.

19. You'll find a reason to live through a genre you never thought you'll read.

20. You know your body better than you've known before. 

21. What didn't happen, didn't happen. God has no big alternate plan for you. Shit happens. And you move on. 

22. You're not great to look at and it's OK. Your life couldn't possibly be any different if you were prettier.

23. You're fat today and you'll lose weight again. You'll be thin and gain weight again. Don't lose your mind over it. 

24. People will talk, but you don't have to listen. 

25. People will have unreal expectations from you, but you don't have to feed them.

26. Do what you can.

27. Use less Instagram.

28. You're not unworthy of your job. You can do it all. But not all days are going to be as productive and not all algorithms are going to support you. Fuck imposter syndrome.

29. Learn astrology. You'll either find it has all the answers or it's a complete sham.

30. You don't have to be your nieces' favourite person. You just have to love them wholly like you do. 

31. If you tried your best, you shouldn't live with regrets. 

32. Life is not black or white. All of it exists in the greys. 

33. Standing your ground and having self-respect isn't stubbornness.

34. Bad things come in threes too. 

35. Money buys happiness.