How I'm dealing with being unemployed – Week 1
The first 5 tabs open on my phone are always in this order – Google Analytics, Google Trends, the web version of Facebook for Business, my work website and Reddit.
It has been a habit to go over these tabs multiple times a day in no particular order. I was in the middle of one such exercise for the third time one day when I was informed that this routine will soon have to come to an end. I had lost my job.
How do you reset a schedule you've religiously practised for half a decade? There was bitterness, anger, resentment and then a realisation that without my noticing I had gradually become redundant at work.
Whom do I tell first? My closest friends lead super-busy lives continents apart from me. I typed and deleted texts to most of my contacts. Then came the lack of confidence. Who had the time to deal with my trauma in this economy?!
So I spent the last week taking long walks (that sometimes went on for 8+ km) questioning and answering my own worth as an employee. And I wouldn't stop until it was clear that this Q&A session was as futile as walking around the same stadium for the 15th time. Once I had breathed out all the negativity I'd return home with a clear head to get through the evening.
I've spent the last 9 years gainfully employed in organisations where I was deeply valued. After much deliberation I understood that this had actually been a long time coming. It was nothing but my own oversight that stopped me from saving my job.
Now every little activity around me reminds me of the countless things I had taken for granted. Here is a list of over-thinking I've done over the last week.
1. Monday blues. I would like to shake some sense into complainants of Monday blues because at least they still have a job to keep.
2. Just yesterday someone complained why January was moving so slowly. Ask me, every day hits me with the heaviness of tungsten. How I wish one earth day could equal one day on Venus. So many more hours to hunt for a job!
3. Everything on LinkedIn. For those who have never opened the app, may you never have the misfortune of going through the trash being peddled on the platform. I'd rather be jobless than read 4 paragraphs that offer zero insight into work culture.
4. Naukri is the Oyo of job search portals. Again, may you never have the misfortune of applying for a job via Naukri.com.
5. Never devote your life to your workplace. Because now it's a little uncomfortable when there's no point checking emails, checking real-time traffic on your website, looking forward to what Indians are searching for everyday and the likes. What do I do with my phone except aimlessly browsing through Twitter and Reddit?
6. Stop being negative. At the risk of sounding like a LinkedIn guru preaching a load of baloney, there's no point hating either your workplace or yourself. The only thing worth your time is to list your strengths and sell yourself to another organisation.
7. Watching everyone go to work. Every day my husband and father-in-law leave for work at their fixed times. The only person whose life has no purpose early morning is yours truly.
8. Counting every penny. I've always shoved loose change deep inside my bag. These days I spend my free time checking pockets and bags for any money I may have accidentally kept and forgotten. Every rupee matters.
9. I'm blessed with a loving family. I had very hesitantly informed my family about losing my job. My husband and I poke fun at each other throughout the day but suddenly he genuinely began appreciating every little thing I did. He has battled anxiety and though he's never mentioned it to me, he feared I'd slip into depression. My parents call me daily to check on me. My mother-in-law reassures me that we're financially secure and I should take my time to weigh my options and choose nothing but the best. My sister would sack Indra Nooyi for me in a heartbeat if she could.
10. Hobbies are expensive. I scroll through Amazon for art supplies constantly wondering if it's a good investment during unemployment. I browse through YouTube looking for recipes but most of those ingredients are heavy on the pocket.
Everyday I tread between two worlds – one where there's self-doubt, uncertainty and uneasiness and the other that offers comfort, security and support. I zig-zag my way through both in equal measures and hope I don't start getting good at it lest it become the only skill I'm left with by the end of this month!
It has been a habit to go over these tabs multiple times a day in no particular order. I was in the middle of one such exercise for the third time one day when I was informed that this routine will soon have to come to an end. I had lost my job.
How do you reset a schedule you've religiously practised for half a decade? There was bitterness, anger, resentment and then a realisation that without my noticing I had gradually become redundant at work.
Whom do I tell first? My closest friends lead super-busy lives continents apart from me. I typed and deleted texts to most of my contacts. Then came the lack of confidence. Who had the time to deal with my trauma in this economy?!
So I spent the last week taking long walks (that sometimes went on for 8+ km) questioning and answering my own worth as an employee. And I wouldn't stop until it was clear that this Q&A session was as futile as walking around the same stadium for the 15th time. Once I had breathed out all the negativity I'd return home with a clear head to get through the evening.
I've spent the last 9 years gainfully employed in organisations where I was deeply valued. After much deliberation I understood that this had actually been a long time coming. It was nothing but my own oversight that stopped me from saving my job.
Now every little activity around me reminds me of the countless things I had taken for granted. Here is a list of over-thinking I've done over the last week.
1. Monday blues. I would like to shake some sense into complainants of Monday blues because at least they still have a job to keep.
2. Just yesterday someone complained why January was moving so slowly. Ask me, every day hits me with the heaviness of tungsten. How I wish one earth day could equal one day on Venus. So many more hours to hunt for a job!
3. Everything on LinkedIn. For those who have never opened the app, may you never have the misfortune of going through the trash being peddled on the platform. I'd rather be jobless than read 4 paragraphs that offer zero insight into work culture.
4. Naukri is the Oyo of job search portals. Again, may you never have the misfortune of applying for a job via Naukri.com.
5. Never devote your life to your workplace. Because now it's a little uncomfortable when there's no point checking emails, checking real-time traffic on your website, looking forward to what Indians are searching for everyday and the likes. What do I do with my phone except aimlessly browsing through Twitter and Reddit?
6. Stop being negative. At the risk of sounding like a LinkedIn guru preaching a load of baloney, there's no point hating either your workplace or yourself. The only thing worth your time is to list your strengths and sell yourself to another organisation.
7. Watching everyone go to work. Every day my husband and father-in-law leave for work at their fixed times. The only person whose life has no purpose early morning is yours truly.
8. Counting every penny. I've always shoved loose change deep inside my bag. These days I spend my free time checking pockets and bags for any money I may have accidentally kept and forgotten. Every rupee matters.
9. I'm blessed with a loving family. I had very hesitantly informed my family about losing my job. My husband and I poke fun at each other throughout the day but suddenly he genuinely began appreciating every little thing I did. He has battled anxiety and though he's never mentioned it to me, he feared I'd slip into depression. My parents call me daily to check on me. My mother-in-law reassures me that we're financially secure and I should take my time to weigh my options and choose nothing but the best. My sister would sack Indra Nooyi for me in a heartbeat if she could.
10. Hobbies are expensive. I scroll through Amazon for art supplies constantly wondering if it's a good investment during unemployment. I browse through YouTube looking for recipes but most of those ingredients are heavy on the pocket.
Everyday I tread between two worlds – one where there's self-doubt, uncertainty and uneasiness and the other that offers comfort, security and support. I zig-zag my way through both in equal measures and hope I don't start getting good at it lest it become the only skill I'm left with by the end of this month!
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